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Blog Post #5: March 21st, 2022.

Forgot to mention my mom is obsessed with the number 23. Fun bug fact. LOST is also a great TV show. I should probably finish it since I'm halfway through the last season. No spoilers, please :)

On bigger news, I have an interview in like 21 hours! It's regarding scholarships! I could get money! But even if I don't, I think it'll be a good experience! It's like, my first interview ever so I'll probably fumble.

Question of the day: how do you talk to people? Or more specifically, how do people stay calm when being asked a series of questions?
  
i liked lost but after season 4 its boring
  
re: QotD
If you're feeling overwhelmed, narrow your focus to the question at hand until you have an answer. (This may only work in a technical interview.)
  
Holy cow it's my Two-Canniversary. Yes, that is a term now because I said so!

No formatting because p0tat0 said so. And yes, that is because it is its birthday today! Happy birthday p0tat0! It turns 2-years-old today! Or is it actually 172-years-old? It keeps telling me that it witnessed the Irish Potato Famine, and its reasoning, while absurd, is plausible(?)

I...really should be writing more sappy stuff, but I'm not really in the mood. If you have questions for me or p0tat0, ask away!
  
yay two years of two cans
  
Happy TwoCanniversary! You should celebrate. Preferably with cake.
mm
  
Blog Post #6: April 14, 2022.

Game design is fun. Physics midterms later today. Not as fun.

Easter weekend means more time to work on an extended shitpost called a comedic, self-indulgent visual novel. I'm taking it much more seriously than it needs to be, but hey, it makes me happy. And keeps me sane (somehow).

Question of the day: what are your favourite genres of media? Could be music, movies or TV shows, books, video games, anything.
  
My favorite genre is Video Games
  
Blog Post #7: April 19, 2022.

Vent post ahead - feel free to not read. Might delete later.

Spoiler text below. Highlight to read.
Going through another loop of self-hatred again, don't mind me. I just have to ride the train until I find the next stop.

I never feel enough to receive...anything good. I'm not worth a lot. I'm just good at making people think I am. I always feel I have to prove something to everyone, too. I want to be acknowledged that I'm smart, that I'm kind and funny. That I'm worth anything. But on a more selfish note, to find a reason to live for myself and not for other people.

I've been hurting myself internally that I've adopted these feelings of rejection, from both others and myself, whether that be explicit or implicit. I'm just...used to it, I suppose. I just feel like I'm never good enough for anyone and overall just a mediocre person.

But what do I know? I'm just a selfish, arrogant bastard on the internet seeking for attention. I need to grow up. I won't be able to survive in the real world like this. Heck, it's a wonder how I'm surviving at all. The only thing I'm good for is volunteering for children, tutoring others, and making people believe I'm worth thousands in scholarships. I guess that makes me a con-p0tat0. Ha, a con-p0tat0, that's funny.

Maybe this is just an elaborate cry for help. I really am that sad. I must make people sick. This is exactly why I don't ask for help. I'm only burdening other people and making their lives worse.


I don't think I need a hiatus from this site. If anything, it's one of the few things keeping me sane right now. I'm going to talk to a counsellor on Thursday to see if I can work through this. I can't keep these feelings in because the last time I did, they only got worse.
  
Blog Post #8: May 9, 2022.

I'm fatigued. Anyone else feeling that way? I have homework I need to do but it doesn't matter too much. Yet I know I should be putting in a great effort, but I just can't. Senioritis amirite?

I'm doing better mentally, but still not 100%. I've just been really overwhelmed with university expectations and I'm sorry but I cannot shut up about my university struggles. Am I speaking up too much about it? Because it can't get out of my mind. It's like this tumour but it doesn't hurt yet it can't just...go away.

I don't feel like talking much more about it at the moment. Lots to say, not enough energy. Catch you guys eventually.
  
sometimes i want to give you a hug but then i remember that i'm a creepy pervert person and that'd probably make you very uncomfortable
  
Oh, I don't mind hugs at all. I think it's totally fine and I see it as a platonic act that isn't necessarily romantic or sexual.
  
what if while i'm hugging you i'm breathing heavily and one of my hands is massaging my nether regions
  
...that would be very creepy.
  
exactly!
  
this is why i dont hug you anymore
  
Or you could just...not touch there.
  
What's wrong with the Netherlands? You see, Titan is a globe and is just showing you where the Netherlands are, so it's fine. They are breathing heavily because the Netherlands have good air quality, and you should breathe a lot there.
  
Ah yes, the Netherlands. I wanted to go there as a kid. Though I called it Holland instead. I know there's more geography than that but eh, I've never taken a geography course. Sorry Licky.
  
Hehehhehehe. You want to go to the nether regions. Hehehheheheheheheeheaadschgnngsnnggnnnff.
  
😐
  
Blog Post #9: May 10, 2022

Oh my god I just realized how annoying I actually am. God I have such a massive ego and have so little self-esteem at the same time.

I'm an attention-seeking brat. No wonder so many people have avoided me all my life. No wonder I can't have close friends that last several years.

Would it be best if I just quit this site entirely? I don't feel welcomed yet I know it's not anyone's fault. I can't even welcome myself anywhere anymore. Nowhere feels comfortable anymore and I don't think anyone genuinely likes me.

But this is just looking for attention, right? I'm being dramatic, right? I don't DESERVE any reassurance or consoling because it needs to come from ME.

It's okay if you don't like me. I don't even like myself. I can't. I've tried, but it's been 1 step forward, 10 steps back.

I typed this in the Ask section but realized that it might've not been very smart so I'm posting it here.
  
I dont know how to start this off but I also feel the same way lol. just last night I was thinking of how much of an attention seeker I was, so you're not alone in those thoughts.

I dont find you annoying at all. there are way more people in this world that are much more annoying than you. and you do deserve to feel this way. you arent being dramatic, I can tell you've kept these feelings down. and if it feels better from you than anyone else, that's fine! but you do deserve reassurance and consolation, everyone does.

I remember you were one of the first people to welcome me to this site, you've made this a welcoming place. now it seems like we're not doing enough to welcome you. I promise we can do better, and I'm very sure that everybody likes you
  
i enjoy your company
  
Thanks for the reassurance, folks. Sorry, just had a random mental breakdown last night. Not really sure how. I'm doing a bit better now.
  
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