ForumGeneral Discussion ► comedy club
sit down and listen to my stand up forever

what is it with traffic lights these days? i drove all the way over here and now my arms are tired.
  
applaud.
  
What do you call a commie baguette. depressed guy
Thank you, I'll be here all night
  
what's the deal with people externalizing their internalities, am i right?

if you don't get the joke you clearly didn't look up what the word "internality" means.
  
What do you call a commie baguette. depressed guy
Thank you, I'll be here all night


*grabs baguette by the collar of his tux* listen here, big boy. this is my comedy club. you
shall
not
pass
*throws baguettey bitch to the floor*
  
Like I said I'll be here all night
  
i don't actually think you're a bitch i'm doing it for the sake of comedy

wow this is my first set and i have already lost the interest and respect of everyone in the audience

what's up with that?!
  
thank you san francisco for being here to witness by 200th post

thank you thank you everyone hold the applause really really you're too kind
  
boooo this bit isn't even funny and i'm about to get banned cuza you
  
WOO HELL YEAH DUDE
  
im laughing so hard right now
  
We all are
  
I’m not.
  
A rich guy and a poor guy have the same anniversary.

The poor guy asks, what you get your wife? The rich guy says, i gave her a diamond ring and a new car. The poor guy asks, why’d you give her those. The rich guy says, in case she doesn't like the ring she can take a ride in her new car.

The rich guy says the same thing, what you get your wife? The poor guy says, i got her some slippers and a dildo. The rich guys asks why’d you get her those?? The poor guy’s answer was, in case she doesn't like the slippers, she can go fuck her self.
  
What’s the difference between an enzyme and a hormone?
you can’t hear an enzyme but you can hear a whore moan
  
co op cock torture
they're all about the cock and ball torture


you can tell i'm joking because this is the committee club thread
  
I'm surprised I haven't posted on this thread yet
  
There was class as usual in the fifth grade. In this class all the students would sit on the back except for two shy boys. But today, a boy named Pepito had been talking too much so the teacher told him, he had to sit on the front row.

That day, while the teacher was giving lecture (as always the students were falling asleep) the teacher slipped and fell. By the noise she made when she fell, the students rose to see what had happened. The teacher embarrassed of the situation got up on her feet and pretended nothing happened. While continuing her class, she couldn’t help thinking of what the students in the front row had seen. (she was wearing a mini-skirt and didn’t wear undies)

When class ended, she asked the three boys sitting in front row of class to stay for a little while. She asked the first boy, “Miguel…when I fell, what did you see?”

Miguel full of embarrasement answered, “well…uhm…I swear I only saw as far as your knees. The teacher upset of what she heard replied “for looking at my legs as I fell, I’m giving you two months of suspension”. So off went Miguel.

Then she asked the second boy what he had see when she fell. Pedro answered “teacher, I swear I only saw as high as your stockings reached”. The teacher upset on what he answered said…”I’m giving you four months of suspension”.

Lastly, and very worried, knowing that Pepito was a bad young boy, asked him nervously, “Pepito, tell me what you saw when I slipped, and tell me the truth?”.

Pepito smiling at her said, “I’ll make it easier for you, I’ll see you in a year”.
  
Titanlord237, [07.06.21 22:42]
he gets new glasses which was long overdue, frankly. they were starting to tint.
and by tint i clearly mean *crack*

Titanlord237, [07.06.21 22:42]
cracked eyeglasses

Titanlord237, [07.06.21 22:43]
[ Photo ]
like this

Titanlord237, [07.06.21 22:43]
*crick*

Titanlord237, [07.06.21 22:44]
i'm just gonna copy this entire monologue and paste it into the comedy club thread if you don't mind
  
Stop why are Pelon's jokes making me laugh so much when it sounds like something my great grandpa would tell
  
[Removed]
  
it's cold as fuck outside
  
oof
  
put on a coat
  
ok do it
  
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