ForumRelationships and Stuff ► Relationship Advice?
Alright guys, I'm in high school and I was just wondering, how do you get to meet women, and then precedingly date women? It seems like all of the school is still kind of separate, boys hang out with boys, and girls hang out with girls. So what do I do if I want a girlfriend? I don't know anyone yet, but I would like to meet new people and just try to date, since I've never done it before.
  
it's ok
  
Go talk to people of different genders than yours. Be their friends. They're normal human beings just like you are. If you sit near them in class, maybe strike up conversation before the teacher gets going. Join clubs and whatnot.

Please don't initially do this with the sole intent of dating, though. First and foremost just be their friends and see if you even like each other that way - and don't "girlfriend zone" them and stop talking to them if it turns out you're not interested romantically. It's shitty to lead someone on into thinking you want to be friends and then ditching them cos they don't like you romantically.
  
Find an activity that isn't split up by gender. You'll meet friends with a common interest and that's a good place to start.
  
go get 'em, tiger.
  
The most common advice you will get about dating is "just be yourself" and I need to warn you right away that is terrible advice for a heterosexual man. It will work if you're on the spectrum, but if you are cisgendered and hetero then that is some of the worst possible advice anyone could give you.

What works for other people in dating wont work for you. Women are used to being approached and getting lots of free attention from guys, unless you are one of the hunky babes at your school, women aren't going to approach you romantically the way guys approach them.

Side note, I don't wanna get into the can of worms too much, but I need a short disclaimer here to at least stave off some of the possible sexist accusations before I get them. I am not jealous of girls being approached and neither should you. Remember that everyone seemingly approaches the women around you and they have to deal with a lot of unwanted and even threatening advances. So, don't take me spelling out some common gender differences to mean that girls have it easy, they don't have it easy. Male privilege is a thing and we have tons of advantages they don't, being approached just isn't one of those many advantages.

Most girls will be your friend, but if you want to be their boyfriend you have to be attractive or else they wont want to date you. What do women find attractive? Well, here's an easy way to find out. I suggest you just pay attention to the guys the girls flirt with and pay attention to the sort of characteristics they have. You will start to see common threads pretty quickly. Physical health, good hygeine, style, confidence, some kind of skill, etc. are all things girls look for in guys. Guys are a lot less picky about women, but because girls have so much attention they tend to develop more preferences, you want to meet those basic preferences.

If you never work out, eat junk food, only shower once a few days, and don't take the time to get clothes and haircuts that really feel like yourself, you're going to have a much, much harder time dating because you are less attractive as a result.

Once you identify the attractive men in your school, find a group of them that have qualities that you sincerely would like to cultivate in yourself and befriend them. I suggest finding confident, funny, out going guys. The fastest and easiest way to become something is by hanging out with the type of people you would like to become more like. Here's the trick, they have to be qualities that you would genuinely like to have aside from those qualities being attractive. If you try to have a fake personality, or you don't really feel like being a funny guy and seriousness is your thing, girls like that too.

Many pick up artists and sleaze balls will suggest being disingenuous or trying to put on an act to basically con girls into liking you. That is terrible advice, and that kind of counterfeit and deceit will erode your relationship. If you build your relationship on a lie, it will crumble around you.

For example if you see a lot of girls like the Soccer players, but you hate Soccer, do not join the Soccer team. If you see that girls like the singers and you already love to sing, take singing lessons and just get better at the things you do like and stand out by being an exceptional version of yourself. Some things you like will never make you attractive. For example, I love Dungeons and Dragons, but while some girls liked that and others disliked it, it never created attraction for them its like a side thing that has nothing to do with love and romance.

So you definitely need to find something you genuinely like that is also attractive, and if you can't, you need to up your levels of physical health, confidence, fun, humour, etc. Girls don't wanna be with just any ordinary guy.

Here's the thing, when I said being yourself doesn't work I mean that in the sense that being the current version or average version of yourself doesn't work. If it did, you'd already have a girlfriend. Girls want you to be yourself! And you will only live a happy life if you try to be yourself, here's the catch...

You need to be the best version of yourself. Girls are surrounded by hundreds of guys who are just an average version of themselves, but they gravitate toward guys who are being the best version of themself. Put the effort in, find areas in your life that are lacking self discipline and apply it, strive to master any craft you have interest in. You need to separate yourself from the crowd of average dudes. Nobody wants average, you should offer a girl the best you can be and then someone is bound to want to be your girlfriend.

The worst thing you can do is become something you're not, or try to act like somebody else. Nobody likes a fraud, but there are better or worse versions of yourself. Don't just be yourself, be your best self.

Hope some of this helps.

At the end of the day part of becoming anyone's best self is moving beyond the beginning point of "I want a girlfriend" to "What does X girl want and am I willing and able to offer it to her and do I legitimately care about her as a person?"

One sided relationships will never work either. For every one thought of what you want from your partner there should be two thoughts about what you are providing to your partner. Relationships are about giving, not just taking, and that's one of the most important things I wish I knew years ago. Obvioiusly if all she does is take then yeah get out of it, but most people will give and receive and the happiest relationships are where two people do love each other and think about what they can give to each other.
  
I always liked the saying "Be the best version of yourself."
  
I liked the write up Pheo. No one wants to be with someone that isn't trying to live up to their potential.
  
What if my full potential is someone who never works out, eats junk food, only showers once a few days

I have a bone deficiency that prevents me from moving, my doctor prescribed me a junk food diet because healthy food will kill me, and i have a minor allergy to water so bathing is sparse at best so this really is my peak. why don't I have all the girlfriends?
  
For the water allergy, there should be dry bathing alternatives.
I’m unsure on how healthy food would kill you...though supplements should at least be required, no?
  
If I even ingest a single vitamin I instantly disintegrate; I must survive solely on cholesterol and trans fats.

It's not so much as I'm allergic to water, it's that the moment the water removes the thin coat of yellow pus covering my body the exposure to air causes a chemical reaction which results in large boils. When I bathe, I have to remember to quickly slather myself from head to toe in this slime, which I collect in a 50 gallon barrel next to my shower, or else I become severely unattractive as the boils start on my face.
  
Eric-616 said:
What if my full potential is someone who never works out, eats junk food, only showers once a few days

I have a bone deficiency that prevents me from moving, my doctor prescribed me a junk food diet because healthy food will kill me, and i have a minor allergy to water so bathing is sparse at best so this really is my peak. why don't I have all the girlfriends?
Natural selection is doing its best to make sure those genes do not reproduce, haha.
  
Eric-616 said:
If I even ingest a single vitamin I instantly disintegrate; I must survive solely on cholesterol and trans fats.

It's not so much as I'm allergic to water, it's that the moment the water removes the thin coat of yellow pus covering my body the exposure to air causes a chemical reaction which results in large boils. When I bathe, I have to remember to quickly slather myself from head to toe in this slime, which I collect in a 50 gallon barrel next to my shower, or else I become severely unattractive as the boils start on my face.


Oh I'm so sorry, I didn't realize. This means that you earn a girlfriend by sheer virtue of existing and wanting one. Your maleness and struggles deem it so.

Please expect your Definitely A Real Girlfriend in 6 to 8 business eons.
  
Could she be shipped faster if she were manufactured and delivered through our lord Bezos's Amazon Prime service?
  
Please leave my drone delivered girlfriend next to my mountain of flamin' hot cheetos and adult diapers thanks
  
Eric-616 said:
If I even ingest a single vitamin I instantly disintegrate; I must survive solely on cholesterol and trans fats.

It's not so much as I'm allergic to water, it's that the moment the water removes the thin coat of yellow pus covering my body the exposure to air causes a chemical reaction which results in large boils. When I bathe, I have to remember to quickly slather myself from head to toe in this slime, which I collect in a 50 gallon barrel next to my shower, or else I become severely unattractive as the boils start on my face.


apologies, this is not a forum for nonhumans. :( we cannot assist with dating advice for alien xenos.
  
A much different response to everyone else, but I'd suggest just finding friends and getting ahead on your school. A relationship will come naturally if you want it, and I'd suggest it not to be the main priority of high school. Form some meaningful connections with people, and maybe one of them could become romantic. Who knows?
  
Y'all know that they're just doing a bit, right?
  
Eric-616 said:
If I even ingest a single vitamin I instantly disintegrate; I must survive solely on cholesterol and trans fats.

It's not so much as I'm allergic to water, it's that the moment the water removes the thin coat of yellow pus covering my body the exposure to air causes a chemical reaction which results in large boils. When I bathe, I have to remember to quickly slather myself from head to toe in this slime, which I collect in a 50 gallon barrel next to my shower, or else I become severely unattractive as the boils start on my face.
This is one of the funniest things I’ve read in a while. This and the following posts.

Eric-616 said:
What if my full potential is someone who never works out, eats junk food, only showers once a few days

I have a bone deficiency that prevents me from moving, my doctor prescribed me a junk food diet because healthy food will kill me, and i have a minor allergy to water so bathing is sparse at best so this really is my peak. why don't I have all the girlfriends?
This. This is like... as someone who studies a field of medicine, thank you for making me laugh really hard.
  
A much different response to everyone else, but I'd suggest just finding friends and getting ahead on your school. A relationship will come naturally if you want it, and I'd suggest it not to be the main priority of high school. Form some meaningful connections with people, and maybe one of them could become romantic. Who knows?

This is true. I was the nerdiest nerd in high school and still got a relationship (with someone totally outside my usual circle). Don't need to force it really haha
  
Who made the first move, you or your boo?
  
ah lol it was 100% him but we were classmates/friends already, so it's not unusual for people to stumble into unexpected relationships as such
  
I'm glad it worked out for you! I just asked for clarification because in that scenario usually if someone stumbled into something its because the other person made it happen.

As a cishet dude, I'm usually the one to make the first move in a heteronormative scenario.

Relationships don't happen to me. I happen to relationships. I've been asked out maybe twice in my whole life. I think it really hit home after the fact when there was a mutual friend with mutual attraction, then nothing happened. Years later reminiscing she asked me why I didn't ask her. I couldn't have stumbled on it, but I could have asked for it. That's the reality for most of guys. Its different if you're a super hot babe magnet, but for average guys like me, there's a certain rhythm to these things.

We can't all be Benedict Cucumberpatch or Ryan Reynolds, and that's OK.

My advice to guys looking for girls is to develop something authentic that's at least fairly attractive unless they have something innately. After that, learn some basic social graces, get used to rejection, and learn how to make the first move without being threatening or creepy. Public spaces with other people are your friend.

I don't know how it is in the LGBTQ+ community. I can't really offer much advice on gaining a relationship, although having a healthy relationship once you're in one follows pretty universal tenets of mutual love, respect, and boundaries.
  
I agree completely with Water Pheonix and will second the notion that "just be yourself" is terrible advice to most guys who are looking to date women, especially as "yourself" is often a shy awkward loner. It's very very rare for a guy to "stumble into unexpected relationships as such". If you want a relationship as a heterosexual man you're going to have to put yourself out there and get rejected again and again until you find "the one".
  
I think when people say "be yourself," the real takeaway is not to hide your interests or your passions. It's not about being shy if you're shy, but it's about opening up about the things that make you happy or excited.
  
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