ForumRelationships and Stuff ► How to make new friends?
I go to a small school where everyone has their groups that they already hang out with. Most of the grade has been there since kindergarten, and everyone already has their friend groups along with a bunch of other perfectly lined up circles of who they can vibe with. Everyone has their friends already. I cant think of a single person who doesnt. I used to be in the most cliquey (I'm sorry idk how to spell I've been avoiding that word but you probably know what I'm trying to say) friend group of all, then I kinda moved groups, then i was no longer welcomed in any. So now I'm faction less tehe. But not tehe cause I'm sad. Anyway, how can i ever make friends when no one is looking for friends? I probably burned too many bridges also, creating a persona for myself over all those years. It feels kinda pathetic crawling back to everyone as a loner when I once had such a posse. I would love to have people to actually talk to, but tbh I just dont want to be the loner anymore. Pretty soon school is going to go back to being full time, so I wont be tied to one group anymore. I will have to fend for myself and find somewhere that I might actually fit in. I dont want to be alone. I'm socially awkward enough as it is, trying to find a place to eat lunch will be literal hell for me. Idk can someone help


Sorry if this is a bunch of nonsense or like stupid or something. Its late and I'm depresso. I might delete this in the morning. We'll see. If I dont, can someone please give me some insight?
  
First of all, if you still have a persona at school, it's probably in your best interest to drop it. You'll most likely make more friends naturally if you act like yourself. Secondly, if you've burned bridges, take the first week or two to sit by yourself and see if anyone's willing to talk to you. If not, then you can ask around, see if you can eat lunch with anyone. It's also possible you make a new friend in class.

I build my friend group by playing cards at lunch. I'd invite people I met in class and other people who were interested to the table, and over time we built up our group. I suggest you think of something similar, but more to your tastes.
  
Just remember very little of it is gonna matter once you graduate.

In the mean time though, I remember making a lot of friends through band, choir, and cross country.
  
I relate to that a lot it reminds me of fifteen years ago me.

I'll tell you what I know now that I wish I knew then. The secret to friendships isn't being funny, or cool, or attractive, or anything.

The simple fact of the matter is that its a waste of time to make ourselves interesting to other people when what other people want is for us to be interested in them.

Everyone is interested in their own selves, and rightfully so. If you find anything of interest in a person's life and let them take the floor and share it with you, you'll have something in common with anybody and build rapport with just about anybody.

I've struck up conversations this way with complete strangers and after a few words I get them talking about something important to them, they sometimes even drop hints. Then I'm just silent and let them talk and afterward they feel very good about me and I end up with another friend or acquaintance.

Then, if they don't show interest in me after awhile, I just keep them around as a pleasant acquaintance and try to develop friendships with people who reciprocate the listening at least a little bit and everybody wins and feels good about each other.

I didn't know this in high school, but boy I sure wish I did. There were a lot of interesting people and I missed out on many opportunities to see the world through somebody else's eyes and to make friends with them along the way.

Do that one thing, and you wont be a loner for very long.
  
I am a 25 year old married women with soon to be 2 kids. I do not have many friends, I guess sometimes I can not stand bullshit, or women trying to be sneaky behind my back. I want to find loyal, trustworthy friends, but it seem like it is almost impossible. Does anyone have any ideas of what I can do, or where I can look for people like this?
  
A good first step will probably be to stop assuming women are associated with "bullshit" or "being sneaky."

Try MeetUp.com for local groups that have to do with your interests or hobbies. Your local library probably also has good programs for different interests, too.
  
Garfield: Just be friendly to a bunch of people. Some will reciprocate. You'll be okay.

iwillsaveyou3: It sounds like you don't like women very much, which is probably why they don't like you. Perhaps try some therapy to deal with your internalised misogyny.
  
it is not that I have an issue with them, it is more so the experience I have had with them. They have stolen from me on more then one occasion, they have talked bad about me, when I try to invite them over, they are not there for me, it seems like they try to hit up my husband, not only that, but I could go out of my way for them, I would do anything for them, cleaning their homes, buying them the stuff they want or need, take them out to eat, I honestly do not understand what to do, or how to do it. I am not stuck up, but I am honest, when they do something that makes me feel uncomfortable I let them know how I feel about it, but it seems like they do not want to hear it, yet I am always an ear for them.
  
I think your issue is with the specific people, yes? I can tell you that not all women are like that. Definitely stop talking to those people if they only give you grief. Join groups for moms or other groups like someone else just suggested. It's better to be alone than it is to be with toxic people.
  
I think your issue is with the specific people, yes? I can tell you that not all women are like that. Definitely stop talking to those people if they only give you grief. Join groups for moms or other groups like someone else just suggested. It's better to be alone than it is to be with toxic people.


Facts.
  
it is not that I have an issue with them, it is more so the experience I have had with them. They have stolen from me on more then one occasion, they have talked bad about me, when I try to invite them over, they are not there for me, it seems like they try to hit up my husband, not only that, but I could go out of my way for them, I would do anything for them, cleaning their homes, buying them the stuff they want or need, take them out to eat, I honestly do not understand what to do, or how to do it. I am not stuck up, but I am honest, when they do something that makes me feel uncomfortable I let them know how I feel about it, but it seems like they do not want to hear it, yet I am always an ear for them.


At some point don't you just say fuck it? Don't get me wrong i'd rather have friends than be a loner, but not at the cost of degrading myself or feeling beneath them.
  
If you think friends always/almost always comes with the cost of being degraded or mistreated or whatever, you should probably look at yourself and either what you're doing or what you consider degradation, because most people don't horribly mistreat their friends.
  
If you think friends always/almost always comes with the cost of being degraded or mistreated or whatever, you should probably look at yourself and either what you're doing or what you consider degradation, because most people don't horribly mistreat their friends.

I am honestly an outgoing person, a loving kind person, who would do just about anything for people, yes it does get annoying and I really feel like I should put myself first at times, but the loyalty I have for friendship is pretty strong. To go out of my way and do many nice things for them, I do not see anything wrong with it. I guess it may because I have not set much boundaries for myself, and when I say no to something it makes them mad. I just want to find some friends that would do the same for me or at least appreciate what I do for them. I guess I am going to have to try out some groups. Giving it a shot should not be too hard. Thank you for the advice, I really thank you for it. All of it.
  
It sounds like you are probably attracting toxic people who realize they can take advantage of you. Set boundaries and seek out people with similar interests who mostly have their lives together.
  
I would say be kind. Treat all people with decency and respect. Make it a point. See what happens. See if anyone reaches out one day.
  
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