ForumRelationships and Stuff ► How to Like Yourself?
This is under relationships because I'm very lonely and you can't expect other people to like you unless you like yourself but I don't know how to do that so does anyone have any advice on how to do that? You can't form meaningful interpersonal relationships if you're constantly surrounded by a shell of self-loathing.
Well, for starters, mindset. You just have to realize that hating yourself is cringe and you should love yourself, like anyone else would.
I don't know how to do that. Where do I learn to do that?

Self-love isn't something you can will into existence.

How do you get it, then?
How do I convince myself I'm worthy of being liked?
You're right. It is not something you can summon immediately. From my experience, it takes time and focus. Also, it sounds cheesy, but don't listen to anyone who doubts that you are wonderful.

Another things that helps is to surround yourself with all the love that you can find. It helps.
From my experience, it takes time and focus.

Another things that helps is to surround yourself with all the love that you can find. It helps.

Yeah I don't exist in a space with a lot of love just lying around. I can only really count on you guys for that. To find friends who like me, I first need to like myself. To like myself, I first need friends who like me. This becomes a paradox very quickly.

Time? Spent doing what? Focus? On what??
you dont need to like yourself to have friends who like you, where did that come from?
Yes you do.
why? how? what?
Be really cool.

Yes you do.

Absolutely not.
I don't know who came up with this concept that people can't like you or love you if you don't love yourself first. That's honestly insanity and puts a lot of needless pressure on a person and makes them feel like they have to meet some standard to be worthy of love and affection. You don't have to like yourself all the time. You're allowed to have days where you feel like you're a failure or you aren't good enough. Youre allowed to be loved and cared for regardless of your mental state. You will find friends that don't mind you being sad or hung up on something or not feeling your best

Advice for liking yourself:
Your inner dialogue needs to be kind. Even go so far as to argue with yourself.
The second you criticize yourself. Match that criticism with two nice things
Example: brain on autopilot: "ugh, I'm so fat."
You respond with but my eyes are kind and I am really good at picking out awesome musicals.
I've done the arguing with myself thing. I make a point to contradict myself when I get negative. It seems to help.

"I'm I talking to myself the way I'd expect a good friend to talk to me?"
It really does. The more you do something the more second nature it becomes.

Did you know that in other countries (example:Africa) people who have schizophrenia don't experience harsh Derogatory voices but instead playful, cheerful voices. So cultural difference have a huge impact on your inner voice.
You just have to realize that hating yourself is cringe
Having emotional or self-image problems isn't "cringe". It's deserving of sympathy, not derision. If there's anything to recoil at, it's lacking the capacity for self-reflection so much that you look at yourself and think "Yes, this is perfect. I love every single part of this."
Yes you do.
No, you don't. And to address your question... there's no preventative, directive, or safe approach to it. It's a long process that takes time and you may never get to a point where you can douse yourself in self-love, which I honestly think is a good thing. You don't want to lack depth. The problem isn't disliking yourself. The problem is not forgiving yourself for your shortcomings.
A method to eliminate Automatic Negative Thoughts (ANTs) is to ask the thought four questions.

So if you have a thought like "God I'm so fucking stupid" question that thought.

1. Is it true?
2. Is it absolutely true?
3. How do I feel when I think that?
4. Who would I be without that thought?

and it doesn't matter what answers you come up with. Just thinking about the thought makes it less stubborn and eventually it goes away entirely if you keep asking it questions.

This is the primary method I've used and it definitely works.

How to like yourself? Have thoughts and actions that are in alignment with what you like.

If there's something you don't like about yourself examine it.

1. Is this just an insecurity?
2. Is this something I'd be happier without?

For example, something about myself I don't like is my tendency to forget to listen, and listening is a principle of mine.

So, to feel better about myself, I don't try to think that its OK for me not to listen, because that's not OK with me, I try to listen instead. So, I change my actions.

I don't like my reflection in the mirror. There's nothing about my face I wanna change, or feel principled to change, so I change my thoughts. Ask myself questions about the ugliness, and give myself some compliments.

Feeling good about ourselves is as simple as figuring out if we need to take action or need to heal our thoughts/image of ourselves.

Its actually doing it that's hard.

Once you make a lot of forward progress, the next step is to let go of perfectionism. There's an acceptable margin of error and imperfection I've figured out that I'm OK with. We have to be, because there is no effort without error and a certain threshhold of failure isn't just OK, its necessary and healthy to learn and grow as a person.
Delightful acronym.
You're a delightful antynym.
Delightful acronym.
I don't like myself. I love myself. I wasn't happy with the body I had so I chose the body I wanted and was absolutely determined to get it. It took me two years but now I do. I used to be underweight and scrawny.
Find people who like you, and take what they say about you to heart.
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