ForumRelationships and Stuff ► Hopeless
Hello, hopeless and desperate here. Touch starved and attention starved. Fundamentally unlovable and unfuckable. Anyone else in this boat with me?
  
Hello, Scoggles. I do not meet your "unfuckable" criteria as I am not one to be fucked but I seem to meet every other prerequisite. For the most part I believe I am in the same boat as you. I don't know how the fuck a sail works and I ate the paddles. If you want me to fuck off let me know but god I am so tired.
  
Scoggles said:
Hello, hopeless and desperate here. Touch starved and attention starved. Fundamentally unlovable and unfuckable. Anyone else in this boat with me?
I wanna tell you that it’s all just in your head but you seem pretty dead set on these being objective truths.
  
so true
  
I told a guy that I liked him and he said he wasnt ready to date anyone for a while and then he posted on his story ab how much he wanted a girlfriend
am i doing something wrong? not that i know of... am I just a bad person???
  
School seems to continually fuck me over. Plus the fact that as of now I'm emotionally unstable as all hell.
  
Scoggles said:
Hello, hopeless and desperate here. Touch starved and attention starved. Fundamentally unlovable and unfuckable. Anyone else in this boat with me?
I wanna tell you that it’s all just in your head but you seem pretty dead set on these being objective truths.
Hey, thanks. It's hard to feel any different, and believe me, I've tried.
  
am i doing something wrong? not that i know of... am I just a bad person???

You're just not his type and he thought lying was a way to let you down easier. He's wrong about how to say no, but there's nothing wrong with either of you because he doesn't happen to be interested in you.
  
why do people even post that kind of stuff on their story
  
can't relate, i am extremely fuckable. also extremely loveable. literally have a cat who loves me on my lap right now.

but seriously, for realsies, pretty sure the biggest barrier between you and dating and such is your attitude here. like we can only reassure you so many times about this and you have been doing it for literally years. like antimony said, you are so dead set on this being the truth that no reassurance we might provide seems to have any real impact - I can tell you you're wrong (and you are) all day, but damn, you're real set on not believing that.

in the words of the terrible MillerKnoll CEO who told all her employees not to whine about not getting a bonus (despite getting a 4MM bonus herself): you can visit pity city but you can’t live there.
  
Yeah, Scogs. I think you just need to fake it til you make it. Focus on your positives. Try not to overthink it. Don't be scared of rejection. Smile and maintain eye contact. I really think your only issue is your confidence.
  
I am constantly trying to adopt a more helpful attitude, and actually think I'm extremely loveable and at least somewhat fuckable, but I'm constantly being proven wrong by the facts of reality.

Edit: It's extremely difficult to feel any other way when I've been actively seeking out a partner for twenty years and have only known rejection in that time.
  
Haven't you mostly been pursuing the same woman at your school who isn't interested in you for some time?
  
Not really, no. She's just the only person I've had any really strong interest in in recent years, but I would prefer to be with someone who actually likes me. I'm not a sociopath.
  
I can't recall. Do you do dating apps? Or anything to try to locate a partner other than occasionally be interested in someone?
  
I do, yeah, but no results to speak of. I'm very active on several of The Apps™, but I only ever met one person from from any of them. She was on OkC. We matched in 2012, and then were Twitter mutuals for a while, and then went on one semi-date in 2015. Which is a long time to wait to discover that something simply isn't going to happen. We're still friends, but she's married now. And that's about how these things usually go for me.
  
Post your app profiles here. we'll give constructive feedback.
  
Scoggles said:
Not really, no. She's just the only person I've had any really strong interest in in recent years, but I would prefer to be with someone who actually likes me. I'm not a sociopath.

You prob should start doing more volume. I don't know if I like someone until after I go out w them. Like something may catch my eye or I might like a trait, but I don't really have a strong opinion until I've been around them in a romantic situation. I wouldn't call it sociopathic to ask someone out to see how it goes.
  
Oh, I'm not sure how to go about that. I would happily, but I never get to the point with anyone that they might be interested in such a thing.
eriophora said:
Post your app profiles here. we'll give constructive feedback.

I'm not sure I could handle the roast.
  
Scoggles said:
Oh, I'm not sure how to go about that. I would happily, but I never get to the point with anyone that they might be interested in such a thing.

Do you ask people on dating apps to meet up?
Scoggles said:
I'm not sure I could handle the roast.

Is never dating anyone more enjoyable?
  

Do you ask people on dating apps to meet up?
No, because most of the apps won't let you message someone until you match and I get no matches. I've shown my profile to many trusted people who all say it's great. So I'm clueless.
  
Make a new profile and like everyone you see.
  
You're just not his type and he thought lying was a way to let you down easier. He's wrong about how to say no, but there's nothing wrong with either of you because he doesn't happen to be interested in you.

thanks, anty. but... i just found out he was lying and that he was ready to date just didnt wanna date me cus he got a new girlfriend :(
  
Well, his loss then. You deserve someone who will choose you, so I recommend not devoting too much time dwelling on whoever doesn't choose you. Take the time you need to get over him and after that, you can start looking for someone who will cherish you as much as you will cherish them. I believe in you!
  
Yeah. Best to move on.