ForumRelationships and Stuff ► Let's talk about your feelings.
XD lol
  
I've got a date tomorrow (for the fist time in years) and I vacillate every few hours between being alright and mild panic.
I gotta relax. Chill. The worst that could reasonably happen is that it's awkward. BREATHE.
  
You've got this under control, Frosty. You are too smooth to make it overly awkward.
  
I agree with Tera. No need to worry.
  
My boyfriend and I broke up, back in Oct I was sitting there asking him about Christmas plans, and he was like well I don't care what you do for christmas i am going to my parents. So that pretty much ended our relationship, and I went to bed then went to work. And now it ends up we are better friends than together and we make great roommates. :) don't ask how that worked but it did. Now a days I spent a lot of my time avoiding men like the plague, I have a few on again off again fuck buddies on the side. But I just went the just be me stage for now, I get asked out a LOT at work, so my ex and I have a system that we have persistent people, your my boyfriend, and i'm his girlfriend. I also have a "girlfriend" at work, and she is trying to make her girlfriend jealous right now, so it's all pretty comically at this very moment. But that will probably change as I have this guy that I am talking to. But between men, girls, work and stupid people that feel entitled, about tv services all is good in ginger land for the weekend.
  
Found out my girlfriend cheated on me with four other dudes.

Kinda upset.
  
AWALT.
  
Geez, that's rough, MaC.
  
Didn't even find out by her telling me. She ghosted me and two of her other four boyfriends approached me.

I'm still waiting for someone to come out and say "hey, this is all a joke, everything's fine!"
  
Shit.
  
You're telling me.
  
AWALT.
Not sure whether I should laugh because this is an ironic joke in perfect context, wince because someone believes this, or roll my eyes and wait for the inevitable ban because its a troll.

My money is on number three, challenge my view.
  
I have my first date in almost a year, pretty nervous cause I am just done with all the doing everything myself theory.
  
Why a year?
  
Because I wasn't ready to just jump back into dating, doesn't matter he stood me up so I guess dating is just overrated I should just stick to FWBs.
  
Not romantic feelings but I didn’t think this bummer fit anywhere else.

My dad’s chemo didn’t work. We’re back to square one except now he’s a hell of a lot weaker than when we started. Eight weeks in hospital today. (It’s not cancer, it’s a rare kind of a blood disease that they typically treat with chemo too, on top of a mysteriously fucked up liver).

Yesterday it became apparent that I may not have a dad much longer. I’m too young for this. Things like this aren’t meant to happen until you’re middle aged at least.
  
I'm so sorry to hear about your Dad, Liv. That's awful.
  
That’s awful news! So sorry to hear...
I know this sounds insensitive but there are support groups that can help, only if you want to be helped, and you also have us. Message me anytime. You are strong, spend lots of time with him. As much as you can.
  
AWALT.
Not sure whether I should laugh because this is an ironic joke in perfect context, wince because someone believes this, or roll my eyes and wait for the inevitable ban because its a troll.

My money is on number three, challenge my view.


#metoo
  
I think that I will unfortunately likely have to break up with my boyfriend at some point. Probably around the time he graduates. I'm finding that our life goals may just be... too different. I'd really like to settle somewhere and own a house that I can put time into and make nice. He'd rather move around every few years. He also really wants kids, and is not open to the idea of adoption. If everything else were perfect, I'd be willing to maybe consider adoption, but I have zero, absolutely ZERO desire to undergo pregnancy (especially since as of yesterday, I found out that C-sections happen while you are awake and aware. Jesus fuck. Can we please have test tube babies already?). I'm also just not very interested in babies. Older kids are okay, but until they're able to at least talk? Not my thing. I have serious concerns that even if he changed his mind about adoption, he still wouldn't pull his weight in parenting - he's just too career focused, and I think it would fall on me. It's sure how it went when we got our dog. It's still like pulling toenails trying to get him to do anything other than the "fun" stuff or be the one who remembers that things need to happen. I have repeatedly expressed my concerns about having to be the household "manager" (even when he pitches in I usually have to tell him and plan things), and nothing has changed.

I love the guy, but I think the end of our lease might be the end. Maybe something will change between now and then, but I am afraid it will not - especially on the issue of children.
  
I have some friends who broke up on the issue of children because in their case it wasn't a thing either of them were willing to compromise on. I'm probably a bit like your boyfriend in that I would probably like to have children, but I also think I'd like to move around a lot - and it sort of worries me that those ideas aren't extremely compatible. I haven't decided if constantly uprooting small people is a good idea. It seems like his ideal would be to have a trailing spouse who takes care of the kids, and if that's not a life you want to get stuck in, it's probably best to leave before you get stuck in it.

Although, on the subject of children, I pretty openly hate babies, but I'll probably still have children because people aren't really babies all that long. It actually makes me uncomfortable that people like babies so much - and I even really hate the phrase "have a baby" because people are children and adults way longer than they are babies. It's just so weird to me. But I have a sister who is 12 years younger than me, and so I've been around for the whole 15 year span of her life so far. The baby part was so small in that span of time that I figure I could put up with it. People always exclaim about, "Oh they grow up so fast!" as if that's a bad thing. I don't even find babies cute. Although I like it better if they are born with hair and look a bit more like a human person. I always thought I would adopt, but adopting seems.... tough.

Reproductive ideas are weird in general - I don't feel like people actually talk about their feelings about such things all that much - I at least, often find it hard to get to the bottom of what different partners even actually want, how they want things to be, and on what timeline they want those things to happen.
  
In fairness, he's always been very up front about wanting to travel and move around and that it IS a part of being with him. I've really enjoyed when we've traveled, but I also like coming back to a real home. That said, he's also been up front with being willing to move for me should it benefit us as a couple, which was acceptable. He's much more ambitious than I am. I like his ambition, but... it also means that I absolutely WOULD become the trailing spouse. I think I would come to resent that, in time. I don't necessarily think it's bad for kids to move around (and he has previously said he'd want to only move once or twice if that when kids were still kids), especially internationally, since it gives them a lot of cool life experiences and perspectives. That's a good thing, overall.

"Although, on the subject of children, I pretty openly hate babies, but I'll probably still have children because people aren't really babies all that long." <- this is the only reason I'd be willing to compromise with adoption. I could deal with kids once they're no longer infants, but... I just don't think I could ever love someone enough to willingly undergo pregnancy just because THEY want me to. There are so many risks. I'm not willing to permanently alter my body like that. I'm not willing to risk complications - my mom had to be sterilized after me due to her complications. Hell, twins run every other generation in my family - I'm also not a big fan of THAT! And as I said above, C-sections are now absolutely terrifying to me... I just don't think I am willing to do this because someone wants me to when I don't *need* to.
  
It actually makes me uncomfortable that people like babies so much - and I even really hate the phrase "have a baby" because people are children and adults way longer than they are babies. It's just so weird to me.
This is maybe the singular thing I hate most about modern culture. There's so much focus on "babies," entire industries dedicated to "having a baby," but almost no resources dedicated towards raising children into successful, kind, thoughtful, curious human beings. And so few parents "have a baby" with the philosophy that they are going to be responsible to do those things. I'm in the field of education because I care about those things, but I'm not really interested in having children of my own. But I often feel that maybe I should be, just because so few parents respect a person's views on such a thing if they are not themselves parents. But then that feels like a very wrong reason to impregnate someone. Fuck.
  
Pregnancy actually does seem really shitty and terrifying in a lot of ways - I hate hearing shit about one's body changes in bizarro ways. Such as, "Oh, my feet grew two sizes and never went back." But I guess one of the upsides of my disease is lax joints means that most people with my disease would never need a c-section, or an episiotomy since the baby basically just falls out. On the other side of that though, we're more at risk for uterine prolapses. And of course there is the ethics of passing on a shitty disease.

I actually would vastly prefer to have twins though, to minimise the amount of time spent around babies. Doesn't run in my family though - that I know of anyway.

Anyway, my feelings and relationship problems have mostly been about how I have no money and don't have a clear life trajectory. I'd really like to move to the UK, but I'd have to marry.... someone. I also wouldn't mind moving to somewhere in the US like Hawaii, but the US still makes me generally anxious. I might end up in Australia for a year. Mostly trying to figure out how me and boyfriend can be together, since we are from different countries and our mutual stay in New Zealand is rapidly coming to it's expiration point. We've got plans through the holidays and then.... nothing. And I don't feel very guided by any particular career ambitions as to where I should go and what I should be doing to make money. I'm starting to show some symptoms of certain auto-immune disorders, but my health insurance situation is quite iffy and I'm not really interested in chasing diagnoses for things where there's not much treatment or cure. I'm already a sad sack of shit, I don't really need more excuses to wallow and quit life.
  
I am still trying to process that my relationship ended not Long ago. I mean, I get she had legitimate and mature reasons but it was all so sudden. And I can’t help feel I was part of that reason. Or maybe I didn’t something wrong or didn’t do enough. Hell sometimes I just wonder if she was just trying to be nice and didn’t want to tell me she fell out of love. I am sad... I am heartbroken... but in a way I trust her that she told me the truth and she told me upfront how things were and she was honest. And that was more than anyone has ever done with me in my life. I feel happy I got to know her and love her. I am still to this day the luckiest guy ever to have met someone so nice and kind. But I... empty. It’s definitely going to take some time, I’m starting to realize.
  
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