ForumRelationships and Stuff ► What really turns guys on in bed?
My boyfriend and I have been dating for a while and I really want to spice things up in the bedroom. Any tips guys?
  
Depends on what you are already doing.
  
We just do things that you would already expect. It's normal sex without really any passion though.
  
I think you should not have sex at all unless you're married. But if you're going to have sex with your boyfriend and want to make it better for him, talk to him about it. Ask him what works for him.
  
Well, I mean we've already had sex sooooo it's a little late for abstinence.
  
I genuinely have no idea what to expect anymore. I don't know what the hell normal people do. Doing a bunch of weird shit isn't really going to reignite your passion, that shit has to happen in your brain. MAybe like, do some drugs. That always makes sex better for me.
  
Just ask him, he probably has a ton of fantasies he's dying to try with you.
  
Well, I mean we've already had sex sooooo it's a little late for abstinence.
There's nothing preventing you from abstaining from now to marriage.
  
Honestly I'm agreeing with hydrogen. My boyfriend and I are waiting til marriage and its really hard but I think it makes things a lot more exciting, and I think you'd learn a new appreciation for sex as well. I'm in love with him, and have been for two years, and I think that's whats going to make sex with him so good. The fact that I love him without sex, and that I can use it as a tool to love instead of just pleasure.
  
I honestly can't imagine waiting until marriage, it'd be way to hard. Living with the person you love, sleeping in the same bed. Just seems impossible to me, my libido is way to high.
  
I understand that. It's a lot harder if you aren't a virgin in the first place. It's hard... But I like to think its well worth it. I don't have to worry about pregnancy before I can handle it, nor do I have to worry about std's since we are both virgins and some super freaky outlandish thing would have to happen for one of us to get one.
  
Just so y'know, abstaining from sex until you're married doesn't mean the sex will be any less boring. In fact, it's sort of an excellent way to end up stuck with somebody you're not sexually compatible with.
  
Yeah that's another thing I thought could happen. I mean not having sex with this person for so many years and then getting married? You don't know how you guys might work sexual together, even if you guys are great emotionally.
  
Very true, but talking about sex is completely allowed, and I know what turns me on when we make out. And if the emotions are there, and the sex is boring, oh well. I don't want to live my life for sex. I want to live it for love and a lot more goes into love than sex.
  
Sex doesn't' always destroy the emotion part of a relationship, if you don't let it. You can still be connected, and build both sides of the relationship at the same time. More of emotional before starting sexual.
  
If I had to stop at making out, I think I'd go insane..
  
I think sex strengthens the emotional part of a relationship when it's in a committed relationship, marriage or no.
  
Exactly, if your committed I think it works. If you have sex on the first date, it all goes down hill since it was meaningless sex. I've dated my girlfriend for a year and we probably won't have sex for about three more years, and I think it'll make us stronger emotionally, but not having to wait a long time for marriage.
  
The point of waiting until marriage, I think, is waiting for commitment. If you can be truly committed without being married, then that's wonderful and I hope you have the best of luck. But commitment doesn't come that easily to most people. I think there needs to be some sort of recognizable moment when the commitment was made.
  
Edit: I accidentally wrote a lot, but it doesn't really have a thesis, so you can like... Ignore this.

I don't really respect marriage as an institution, it's kind of a stupid construct. So I'm on, like, somewhere I the exosphere on this debate. I don't feel the need to justify my decisions by telling anyone that they shouldn't wait until marriage, but it seems a little unreasonable that we are trying to persuade someone to be abstinent when it doesn't really apply that much to her situation. Abstaining from sex isn't really some great challenge, it just doesn't make sense to me in my own life. I abstained from sex for 6 months or a year or something as a way to torture and punish myself for something I did, and also for other reasons involving a certain type of 'purity' that, again, doesn't figure into this debate because exosphere. Anyway, as usual, I'm not trying to make a point, I'm just forming sentences out of the ideas that come to mind when I think about things like abstinence and waiting until marriage. You guys should pick some arbitrary things to wait for, it seems more amusing.

I would like to say however, that I'm not having fabulous enjoyable sex all of the time because I decided not to wait for shit. I could probably very easily stop having sex for years because I don't enjoy it most of the time anyway. I don't think waiting until marriage would change that. I can't even imagine what my thought process would be where I would think that's a good idea, because it seems just... like a really foreign idea to me. I don't know, maybe I'm a jungle heathen or whatever. But for me, sex is sort of the tool for understanding and gaining insight into the lives of people whose literary work revolved around it. I think writing about sexuality and literature without having sex would be like... Writing about food without eating. Especially because what I'm trying to address is the divide because the way sex is portrayed in different media and the way it actually is. I'm trying to find a way to bridge that divide. I actually have some very interesting thoughts about abstinence-- I think in societies that really rigidly enforce abstinence, the fetishisation of sex outside of that seems more rebellious and therefore better. In some places in the United States, waiting until marriage is probably closer to the 'rebellious' choice, and so people fetishize the perceived 'added emotional layer' of that sex as better. it's like in the 1980s, when punks started getting married because it was more punk rock at that point to get married than not.

I think probably the ultimate punk rock thing to do right now is meet someone (in Vegas?), decide immediately to get married, wait until marriage to have sex, get married, and then have sex. You waited! But also made a commitment to a stranger! And then I don't know what the punk rock thing to do from there is. Probably to try to make it work for a few months, and then split and go train-hopping. Depends though. If it worked out for like, at least five years, it could be kind of radical. I like this plan. I should do this.
  
Exactly, if your committed I think it works. If you have sex on the first date, it all goes down hill since it was meaningless sex. I've dated my girlfriend for a year and we probably won't have sex for about three more years, and I think it'll make us stronger emotionally, but not having to wait a long time for marriage.

Well, my girlfriend and I sexed about two hours after the first time we held hands, and we've been dating for about two years now and are very much in love (and still very much sexing).

Also, regarding "meaningless."
  
Yeaaaaaa that's all some bullshit, I fucked my boyfriend on the first date and we're living together. Pretty happy, too.
  
FIne it doesn't always work out like that, I know commitment isn't always ruined with sex.
  
I was just to tell the extremes of having sex earlier, which I think is what she's worried about.
  
I genuinely have no idea what to expect anymore. I don't know what the hell normal people do. Doing a bunch of weird shit isn't really going to reignite your passion, that shit has to happen in your brain. MAybe like, do some drugs. That always makes sex better for me.
  
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