ForumRelationships and Stuff ► Let's talk about your feelings.
I really like one of my coworkers, but I have no idea if he's straight, bi, curious, or what and he has no idea about how I feel and I can't seem to tell him. But if I somehow finally manage to tell him how I feel and he isn't interested for whatever the reason, I have another guy who claims he's straight, but I think that (much like me) he just doesn't want to be outed until there's a real chance with a guy that he actually likes, who seems to maybe possibly like me. I like him too, but I like the guy from my work so much more and the guy from my work is a much more stable person.
Dibs on your soul, Man Of Arks.

I feel bad because I went off on 2 of my friends on here because I misinterpreted a joke of theirs. I had been going through a bad day learning that my chances with my crush were slim and seeing the messages sent me over the edge. I later apologized after I learned things were ok. I was hugged by my crush and I saw that my friends weren't trying to be mean. I still feel bad for even letting things get that far.
"If I die remember I loved you"
That's probably not what he told her exactly but it's what I'm remembering now.
I didn't want to remember, I was refusing to remember for a dumb reason, but as the minutes approach approximately a week since my girlfriend received that text from one of her friends, I feel like all the emotions from that night are starting to kick me in the gut and slap me with the possible reality I need to face (the guy's alive just fyi).
This entire week it feels like I've been feeling her slip away from me like sand falling from my palms while I float in the middle of the ocean; never seeing or feeling the grains again.
I can't help but think how paranoid and annoying and overreactive I'm being about the whole thing, so I'm scared to talk about it with her. Mostly out of fear of my gut feelings becoming another crushing reality.
At the same time though... Idk I want her to leave me so I can speed up the unhealthy drowning of my feelings in my memory vault moving on process and get on with my pathetic little life, at least til my next meltdown.

But I'm likely overreacting like an insecure little bitch... and I hope that's the case.
Ugh I'm bored and lonely but I know I'm in no position for a relationship or anything.

But also I miss flirting and attention and the nice stuff like hell

Edit for elaboration's sake:

I am extremely lonely. But my life is a complete mess. Every aspect of myself that might be under review for suitability of attraction is just in the negative position, currently. It feels like it would just be impolite to bring another person deeper into it at this point. But I really do miss feeling like someone else is enjoying my company, and all that. Flirting. Et cetera. Then there's that pesky thought, "You should at least like yourself a little bit if you expect anyone else to..." and I decidedly do not. I don't like myself one bit these days. But I'm very lonely. And always at least passively seeking companionship in some form. Sometimes very actively. I'm sure if I find anyone I'll swiftly subvert myself before anything gets going.
I really do think liking yourself is a critically important step.
Love of self is a key stepping stone to the love of others. I mean, why else would the commandment say "Thou shall love others as thou loves self"
It's important to love yourself because if you don't... what do you have to offer anyone?
Money? Fame? Power?
Real love doesn't rely on any of that. The only thing you'll find when you don't love yourself, is someone who doesn't love you either.
I don't know if that's necessarily true. It is possible to love someone who doesn't love themself. But it's not ideal.
The thing with self-love, to me at least, is that today it seems one step away from self-adoration, which ultimately results in selfishness. You have to care about yourself enough to take care of yourself, but not too far beyond that is only taking care of yourself. Of course, self-hate only results in shutting yourself off from others for different reasons.
Ugh I'm bored and lonely but I know I'm in no position for a relationship or anything.

But also I miss flirting and attention and the nice stuff like hell

So my solution apparently was to bang my ex again.
Hey, whatever works.
When I was single I had to constantly remind myself the exes were off the table when it came to sex. But I wasn't always successful. lol
Yeah, I also have a poor record, or a great record, depending how you look at it, of hooking up with exes after we had officially broke up.
Scoggles said:
Every aspect of myself that might be under review for suitability of attraction
I really do think liking yourself is a critically important step.

Relationships aren't algebraic sums; you don't fit two complementary broken people together to make one whole person. I mean, that doesn't even make sense as a metaphor.

That's why relationships aren't repair projects; finding the right SO isn't going to fix you, self-improvement has to be self-driven. That said, it's really good to be with someone who wants to help you grow.
I couldn't agree more gws
Yeah, I agree with that, but not sure how it applies.
Supporting Guess's statement.
But on the other side, are broken people undeserving of another person's affection?
It isn't that someone broken is undeserving, but rather understanding that it's not really fair to the other person if you behave in a way that is toxic to them. If the other person must constantly sacrifice and walk on eggshells around you, that's not a good thing.

It's important to like yourself because you shouldn't attempt to outsource that to an SO. It's healthier for both of you.

There's a difference between undeserving of love and not being in a position where you can respond appropriately to love. Everyone deserves love, but you have to understand why it's harder for people to show you love when you can't respond appropriately to it when it's expressed.
It's not causal or a merit-based prerequisite, but if you bring self-hate into a relationship and don't address it, you're gonna have a bad time.
Oh, I don't hate myself. I just don't like myself.
I'm kind of the same way. I'm not exactly confident with myself but I try not to let it bring me down. I've been branching out more and doing more things with my fiancé. I support her and she supports me.
So for the first time in quite a while (at least a year) I'm actually talking to a guy. We've been flirting and hitting it off and we're talking about seeing a movie soon. Trying really hard not to be pessimistic, but it's hard not to feel like it's only a matter of time before he discovers that I have too many problems to be worth it and/or takes advantage of me.
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