ForumRelationships and Stuff ► Let's talk about your feelings.
You’ve only got a semester left. Just do what you need to get through it.
  
I feel you, Antimony. I want to find the Aces. I've only met 5 other Asexual people IRL (that I know of, surely I've met more and the topic of conversation never came up). I'd try online dating but I've heard lots of ace horror stories about that. We have gay bars up here, but no Ace bars. Maybe someday I'll get past the first date with an Allo. Who knows.
But hey, maybe you could try Grindr or something? Is Grindr still a thing? It would be a convenient way to sift out all the other men people potentially looking for your man person.
  
Coldfrost said:
I feel you, Antimony. I want to find the Aces. I've only met 5 other Asexual people IRL (that I know of, surely I've met more and the topic of conversation never came up). I'd try online dating but I've heard lots of ace horror stories about that. We have gay bars up here, but no Ace bars. Maybe someday I'll get past the first date with an Allo. Who knows.
But hey, maybe you could try Grindr or something? Is Grindr still a thing? It would be a convenient way to sift out all the other men people potentially looking for your man person.


Grindr is still a thing. It's predominantly a hookup app, but not universally. Hell, I found my boyfriend on Growlr. I think it's just important to be very clear your intentions in your bio and in how you first interract with people. People may try to push boundaries even if you do, so be firm right away, know and convey what you want. It also may help to spread your wings with dating apps as well.
hookup---->dating
grindr->growlr->scruff->tinder->okcupid

If you're looking for friends, I think any of those, you can say in a label or in your bio that that's what you're looking for, but some may still interpret that as "friends with benefits" so again, be real clear on your intentions.
  
Even if I liked someone, which I sorta do, it wouldn't matter because I'm really shy and I don't think any guy would be interested in me :/
  
I don't know. I'm not good at feeling attractive, nor actually attracting anyone, but I've seen lots of really heinous, unkind, willfully ignorant, and hideous people in relationships, so I don't think anyone is hopeless.
  
I agree with Scoggles, I believe that everyone is beautiful in their own way, and therefore is somebody's type.

By the way, what do you guys think about maintaining high school relationships in college? Does anyone have experience in this area?
  
Smartness is important in marriage and in a relationship and I’m glad it. Read more about relationships there https://www.happymatches.com/blog/platonic-relationship/platonic-friendship
  
I agree with Scoggles, I believe that everyone is beautiful in their own way, and therefore is somebody's type.

By the way, what do you guys think about maintaining high school relationships in college? Does anyone have experience in this area?


Are you both going to the same college? Or will it be long distance?
  
One of us will be on the US west coast (in our hometown), and the other on the east coast.
  
It doesn't tend to work out. Not that it can't, but there are two real sources of pressure here:

switching to long distance is always trying, the dynamic is so different and it can really hamstring your social life to be long distance -- people underrated how bad that can be feeling like you have to forego the real world to maintain contact with a long distance partner.

Also, college is a really formative time where you make a lot of new friends and start to redefine yourself, this is almost universally relationship-breaking; making major life changes without your partner is a 100% guaranteed way to lose a relationship, and feeling like you can't change your life to spare your relationship is probably just as bad.
  
I agree with Gray on this one. I really don't have much else to add, as those are the two key points I was intending to make.
  
Thanks to both of you for the advice! I've been intending to take the low-commitment, "let's see where this goes" route anyways when we go long-distance, but it's still disheartening to realize that things are very likely gonna fizzle out.


edit: whoa I got a white dot thing
  
Well I recently got married, it was pretty spontaneous. I did it mostly to piss my dad off, I really need some freedom to be my own person outside of his shadow and outside of my family name. HOWEVER, I do love my husband, I knew when I met him on POF that he was military and my first thought was BINGO FREEDOM, and I told him this after we had been married six months, as I didn't want him to think I was using him. Only thing I truly can't stand about my husband is that I feel like in my opinion he drinks way to much. In reality he has been drinking a lot less since we met and I don't allow him to be in the bar every single night and as it turns out, it very much enjoys not spending a minimum of $1,000 dollars plus every week and yes that is including tips. I know this isn't part of feelings but I wanted to share it, a lot of you know me because I had posted some things about a few previous relationships, and I was unwilling to let go and move forward fortunately, karma got one ex boyfriend really good. The other is going to be getting married soon, and as adults we talked about how we are glad (me now) that things didn't work out as we both matured and learned and moved on. I never realized how angry I was at my first boyfriend for all the abuse he put me through both physically and mentally, and I think that is what I was trying to tell you guys, but either I wasn't very good at explaining that I needed help or I just lost it. I feel like as soon as I got married my anger "disappeared" I forgave all of my ex's except one but I really did put it all behind me. Whenever I get mad at my husband I now have it in me to say hey I am so beyond pissed off at you but I need some space please, then after about three days when I know I am not going to be childish and petty and say things I don't mean I say okay tonight phones off except work phone and let's talk. Who would have thought eight years would take for me to mature emotionally, and find a person that literally knows I am THE MOST ANNOYING PERSON EVER!!!!!! but has so much patience and makes me laugh and enjoys more food than me!!!! But hey it's a relationship that will build memories that will last forever.
  
c04inna said:
Even if I liked someone, which I sorta do, it wouldn't matter because I'm really shy and I don't think any guy would be interested in me :/


You gotta take a chance say hi see what happens, my personal theory it's always the quiet ones you have to watch out for. You can do it!!!!!!!
  
"Only thing I truly can't stand about my husband is that I feel like in my opinion he drinks way to much. In reality he has been drinking a lot less since we met and I don't allow him to be in the bar every single night and as it turns out, it very much enjoys not spending a minimum of $1,000 dollars plus every week and yes that is including tips."

This seems like a pretty major issue on multiple levels to me.

1. Holy shit the financial irresponsibility how much debt must he be in due to this holy shit?
2. How is his liver even functioning
3. You shouldn't have to "not allow" him to go to the bar. It's his responsibility to manage his drinking. You're not his mom.
  
eriophora said:
"Only thing I truly can't stand about my husband is that I feel like in my opinion he drinks way to much. In reality he has been drinking a lot less since we met and I don't allow him to be in the bar every single night and as it turns out, it very much enjoys not spending a minimum of $1,000 dollars plus every week and yes that is including tips."

This seems like a pretty major issue on multiple levels to me.

1. Holy shit the financial irresponsibility how much debt must he be in due to this holy shit?
2. How is his liver even functioning
3. You shouldn't have to "not allow" him to go to the bar. It's his responsibility to manage his drinking. You're not his mom.



He was in a lot of debt we, talked about finances, he had to quit buying for ALL of his freaking friends who know that he is military so he has money so they use him. I had to stop him from going for the first month we started dating, I was going when we were just hanging out but, I told him I hate drinking I really would rather stay home than go anywhere. So that was a huge tipping point for him so after that he did stop going less than what we was before, he doesn't order pizza every 3 days anymore because I cook. We have quite a bit of money in 3 of our savings accounts plus 10,000 ish sitting in his checking account. But it was making him realize how much he was spending and, he enjoys having money now. Yes you are right I am not his mother, again is was part of a VERY long conversation we had, about ex whore, ex girlfriend, him moving ect. He just really needed to sit and think about the person I needed and if he wanted to be with me then the bar scene needed to end ASAP. :)
  
I could use some legit advice on getting over someone who doesn’t feel the same way toward you. Known the person for about a year, got super close, more than I have with anyone I’ve ever known, fell for the person like a dumb teenager, they guessed what was up, I told them, they didn’t care, we’re still very close friends. Still makes me feel fuckin empty and sad. That’s way more details than I meant to include.
  
Man, sorry to hear that. That sucks. The only thing I can offer is... It's hard to put into words and it might not be very helpful, especially since feelings be feelin' regardless of logic, especially if the feelings are already there. But I'm going to try to put this into words. I guess it's just my mindset around these things.

If the person doesn't choose you in the way that you choose them, it's better to rip the band-aid off and have the pain over with. Otherwise, it will only be more pain in the long run. One day, there will be a person who choses you. Not just "I chose you to be my partner" and then that's it, but someone who choses you with their time and continues to do so, over and over again.

I hope that makes at least a little bit sense. In short, choose people who choose you with their time. If they don't do that (all the while you are choosing them with your time), you're probably in for a bunch of heartache.

The only thing else I can say is that it will hurt, but you will get over it, especially if you dedicate yourself to it (and they are a decent enough person not to take advantage of you/pressure you somehow/do something that makes you feel even worse/etc.). Do what you need to do for yourself in order to heal the hurt. If you feel like eating ice-cream out of the tub and binge-watching cartoons, do it. (As long as it's a healthy amount of ice-cream wallowing. Eating ice-cream for every meal is perhaps not the best idea...) If you feel like you can't be around that person for a while that is perfectly all right. They should allow you to take your time to deal with your emotions. Taking a break while the pain subsides is a-okay. In general, just be extra gentle and kind to yourself while you get over it.
  
Thanks bro. Really I mean it. That helped a lot. Yeah. It sucks. Mostly I just regret doing it a lot and want things to be normal again. I’m just sad and hoping me and him will stay as close friends as we are.
  
I hope you continue to feel better and that your friendship stays strong, sorry you're going through this right now I don't have any advice to say that will make you feel better just know that you're stronger than this, you're better than this, and you can get through this and I've got your back even if it just by making a post saying that I have your back.
  
Nah I get you man. Thanks, I really appreciate it. I think things are completely normal again. Woke up yesterday morning to a phone call and that guy shouting “Call of duty” in kind of a singy voice. So basically like, the day after I told him we were already back to our normal stuff. We also have plans to hang out tonight. I don’t really think I need to take a break from hanging out with him. Dude’s a great friend. Plus I love him as a friend / something like a brother a little too much to be too upset over the whole thing. I just wanted things to be normal no matter what even going into telling him all that. And they are. I love it when stuff just works out like that.
  
I'm really happy to hear that, I'm glad everything's working out with the best possible outcome, that's very heartwarming I'm happy for you!
  
Glad you're doing better, Marcus ❤️ stuff like that can be tricky to work through. Jaxxie had very good advice up there, too.
  
I am very extremely sad/lonely again/still.
  
I am pretty happy feeling-wise, but I am disappointed that I can't find a good person to be friends with IRL. It's just so hard to find a half-decent person to be in a relationship in. I mostly want someone who will be kind to me. I feel like people actively try and avoid me. I just want to feel like someone actually wants to be with me sometimes.
  
Forum > Relationships and Stuff > Let's talk about your feelings.