ForumStatus Update Threads ► the titanlord237 personal rant thread
(an absolute shitshow, btw. i made this thread to try to contain my b̴̨̧̝̤͉̠͎̲̗̗̲̹̠̰̀͆́͌̈́̈̀̓̕̕͝ũ̷̘͉̬͈̳̱̖̭͉͔̌͆̈́͑͑̽̐͂̿̍̈́̑͝͠ĺ̴̨̗͉̖̣̤͒̽͑̂͑̄̄́̑͌̀̇͒̕l̵͍̪̯͖̝͑̍̓̉̈͌͛̈́̀̊̔̚͝ͅṡ̷͓̪̮͚̞̝͔̩͕̥̩̣̟͖̼̓̄̓̓͂͂̂̂̓͘̚̕͝h̸̨̯̺̮̲̤̩̯̲̄̒̀̽̍̒̒̕͜ĩ̷̛̱̫̠͚͗̀̇̃̌́̊̈́͒̿̅̑̔t̴̛̝̯̦͔̞̫̩͇͈̃̐͐͗͐̀̎̄̾͌̎̚̕͝ from the rest of the site.)

i didn't message the mods to see if this kind of thread was allowed, so i won't be extremely heartbroken if this gets taken down. no rules; i see this getting thrown into sandbox or locked very very soon. i hope you'll at least understand my reason for making a thread like this, when taking into consideration my prior behavior on this site. i won't say anything purposefully harmful on here, just things that i really don't want to bother the people of qna or anywhere else with. i'm just now realizing i really could've just put this in a journal to myself, since i clearly didn't even want anyone else to see it. honestly just a thread for me to rant about things that i would otherwise be ashamed of putting out. i'll extend this as a place to anyone else who wishes to partake, if desired. that way, this thread has a reason to exist at all.
  
i've discovered recently that you can do things a lot more easily if you just ask for help if you need it. surprising, but it took me multiple repeat fallacies to realize this. (honestly a common theme with me.) an example of this: messaging a teacher if there's something i don't understand with the homework! better to bite the bullet and just accept that you've made a mistake by not paying attention in class rather than let it impact every assignment going forward.
  
i hope that i can work to fix simple aspects of my life little by little. i think leaving twocans was a smart move on my part, since staying here would've solved absolutely nothing. i'll try to be less ashamed of what i say from now on, as long as i take into consideration the ramifications of my words, or if a mod messages me to tell me otherwise.
  
i'll also try not to constantly dwell on what i hate about myself. this, along with many of my other habits, is really unhealthy. (then again, i'm flocking to an anonymous qna/message board to complain about it rather than talking to someone in my life about it.)

since i want people to know it's me that's saying this, but i also don't want people to know that i said this which is why i'm hiding it in this here thread is i've been thinking that i might actually be depressed. i feel ashamed to admit it, perhaps because i think i might be making too big of a deal about it, but-

midway through writing this, i'm already having second thoughts about hitting the post button. this is a rant, so i'm just gonna keep what i wrote as is. again, if anyone, ANYONE at all objects, i will be beyond relieved to nuke everything i've said prior to this point. (lol, i'm literally forcing myself to overshare to a degree. maybe i really can't handle the responsibility that comes with being on an anonymous website.) again, i think putting it on paper will help me in the long run. i'd like to reiterate that i have zero qualms with just deleting everything i've written up to this point and just putting it in a journal instead.
  
however, people have told me before my most recent break from this website that i something along the lines of i shouldn't be so ashamed of myself. just wondering if it's really smart to be vulnerable enough to admit my personal shortcomings to an audience of complete strangers.
  
okay, my final question i pose to whatever mod picks up on my shenanigans again:
is this thread a healthy way to cope?
edit: (ranting, that is.)
edit2: not emotionally mature enough to be able to handle such a privilege that this website is giving me to in a way, "beg" for attention
edit3: i didn't want to admit that i might actually just be genuinely begging for attention subconsciously with this thread, which is why i wanted to hide it best as possible, while still having my username attached to it, because i want to be held accountable for it.
edit4: i get the impression that editing this post isn't helping, so logging off for the night for real this time.
  
is this thread a healthy way to cope?
i find it quite comforting to know that people are listening to what i have to say, especially when they give you advice
  
i'll extend this as a place to anyone else who wishes to partake, if desired. that way, this thread has a reason to exist at all.
um. i know i’m technically using this for the intended purpose, but sorry anyway. since this is your own personal thread and not something i did and i’m just jumping on the rickety wagon that is this thread.

But I’m happy to finally have a place in which I can release some brain poison and hopefully make the urge to destroy important things less prominent to the point where it dies.

As well as a general place to put the “mental health is a dumpster fire, but I’m not supposed to give a s̸̀͞͏́́́͡͡͏̷̵̸̴̸̢̨̡̕͜͝҉̷̷̨̢̛̕͢͜͞͞͠͞͞͡͝͏̷͢͝͏͏́҉̕͏̢҉̴̸̵̷̕҉̕҉̶́͟͞҉̴̶̴̷̷̸̢̡́͘̕͟͢͞͠ḩ̨̛͘̕̕͘͜҉҉̶̵̵́̀͘̕̕͢͠͝͠͏̶̸̶̷̷̷̶̧̨̢̛̀͟͜͡͠͏̶̡̧̡̛̀̕͢͢͡͝͞ì̵̵̵̛̛̛͜͟͠͝͡͝͏̡͘҉̵̷̷̸̡̡̢̡̛̛̛̀͜͠͡͠͡҉͟t̵̶͘͜͜͡͠͝͏̴̴̸̵̶̸̧̢̛́̀́͢͡͡҉̶̸̡̡́̀̀́̕̕͜....” comments. Because of course, that matters not in this age and place in which humans have the soul sucked out of them and made to essentially be robots for their entire existence, because that’s meta.
everyone’s just a little bundle of stats.
...huh, i actually did rant. yay? i-ish? maybe?
mental health wasn’t even near dumpster-fire levels this time.
  
The amount of emotional turmoil I threw onto this website when I was a teen and lacking good support structures says that yes, this is a perfectly decent coping method. Not the best, certainly, but we don't always have access to the best options.

Sometimes you just want to rant in a place where someone might see it. Even if they don't necessarily respond, it's good to feel as though someone heard or saw you and acknowledged what you were going through in some small way.

Self hatred is very, very hard to work past. It is possible, though.
  
O.K. I have feedback about your second post.

The word 'fallacies' should just be replaced with the word 'mistakes' because 'fallacy' is not synonymous with 'mistake'. While a mistake can be guided by a fallacy from illogical thinking, the action itself can never be a fallacy. The word 'fallacy' pertains to beliefs and not the actions that are guided by belief.

I have no comment about punctuation and capitalization. I figured this was partially stream of consciousness and I'm guessing the lack of grammar is intentional.
  
i felt so embarrassed about myself after forcing myself to do this last night. glad i got it out though.
  
God knows I've put some stuff up here I immediately regretted. Do I regret it now? Not really.
  
call me garfield the cat because i'm upset that it's monday again

i knew how cringey that was gonna sound so i posted it here instead of qna or the train of thoughts thread




anyways i hate how much homework i have but i'll just try not to let it get to me. one step at a time, and it's not as big of a deal as it seems. i can't let it get to me. if i don't take a step back, i may do that thing again that i always do and spend an entire night doing homework but not getting anything done.
  
Call me garfield the cat because ^
  
Incredible how that works out.
  
Will the real Garfield please stand up?
  
*stands*

I am the one
  
i'm currently being a leech because i can't get my crap together and do school at an acceptable rate.
So everyone else is doing it for me and I'm just doing the bare minimum
And I would love to say for them to just stop doing things and let me take however many extra years I need because that's what I deserve.
That or death by neglect. Whichever, really. I can sustain myself off of snacks and the like. Probably.
and no, therapy is not an option because covid, and no, virtual sessions are not an option because i hate talking to a video, so i guess i'm never getting my crap together.
not like i deserve to at this point, being an idiot. apparently i'm at the level of post-covid people without having ever gotten it(which, yay on not-covid).
so i'm probably a little beyond help without being a money drain. and i don't want to be a money drain or a time drain, because those are bad things.
  
do i have the right to continue being on this site

did i ever deserve that right?
  
i'm a toxic asshat

that bigot you ran into in qna telling you to go fuck yourself?

that was me.

i did that.

and that's not even the extent of how big of an asshole i am.
  
too bad you can't flag responses to your questions because if you could i'd be long gone
  
i think u can
  
bruh
being a teenager fcking sucks</sub></sub></sub></sub></sub>
  
guys i think i might be a bigot
  
Towards what?
  
Forum > Status Update Threads > the titanlord237 personal rant thread