Two Cans & String

{ "thread_id": "11645", "posts": [ { "id": "1184897", "time": "1642160569", "html": "fun rant ebag thanks for sharing", "user": "titanlord237" }, { "id": "1184898", "time": "1642160998", "html": "if you change l for a moguls is an anagram for amogus", "user": "titanlord237" }, { "id": "1185010", "time": "1642221059", "html": "<div style=\"margin:20px; background-image:url(/images/light.png);\"><div style=\"border:1px solid #888; padding:5px;\"><a href=\"/users/ackyyackyattack\">ackyyackyattack</a> said:</div><div style=\"border:1px solid #888; padding:20px;\">I'll start.<br /><br />Hooray, yippie, doopdie-doo. I'm best friends with the most wonderful person in the world, Mucka Blucka.<br />Martin's just so great. He makes me so happy. There are sometimes where I just want to hug him tight and never let go. Martin and I have such similar personalities, too. Sometimes, when we have our little sleepovers, we cuddle and watch some Family Guy, or South Park, or whatever. And doing that makes me giddy, simply ecstatic. There was one night where we had some other friends over (who don't know I'm trans and just think I'm a cis boy) and we were so close with each other that they called us gay. Gay! You hear that! I passed the test! Yippie! Whoop-die-doodles! Yar har har! And good golly, Martin has a slightly Danish-American accent that brings warmth to my heart whenever I hear it.<br />You know, it's just total coincidence that our names sound so similar. He was born as Martin and I changed mine to Marvin years ago when I had the whole trans-awakening thing, which was a long time ago before being trans was trendy.<br />Some things I will say about Martin:<br /><ul><li> he is very kind</li><li> he is the type of person who is completely fine with hugging all the time</li><li> he likes video games (I do too)</li><li> he has just caused me to type the longest rant I ever will type</li></ul><br />In short, Martin is the greatest ever of all time.</div></div><br /><br />oh my god", "user": "ackyyackyattack" }, { "id": "1185450", "time": "1642475289", "html": "i hope this whole situation sorts itself out soon :(<br /><br />so nervous", "user": "muckabluckisnotaduck" }, { "id": "1185452", "time": "1642476186", "html": "nvm it worked out everything is ok i dont have to rant :)", "user": "muckabluckisnotaduck" }, { "id": "1185457", "time": "1642476621", "html": "Oh, boy, I'm sorry Martin, but I got some new advice that makes a lot more sense than what we agreed on.<br /><br />Hop into DMs for a second, please?", "user": "ackyyackyattack" }, { "id": "1185458", "time": "1642476671", "html": "uh oh", "user": "muckabluckisnotaduck" }, { "id": "1185907", "time": "1642549955", "html": "Everytime I make a sketch for an art project, it looks absolutely amazing and if I showed it to anyone, they would say it looks stunning.<br /><br />Then I put colored pencil on it and then it looks like a fourth grader's drawing.", "user": "wlicky" }, { "id": "1185916", "time": "1642551593", "html": "What if you sketched with colour pencil?", "user": "ackyyackyattack" }, { "id": "1185917", "time": "1642551855", "html": "Do you celebrate pongal?", "user": "titanlord237" }, { "id": "1185928", "time": "1642554580", "html": "<div style=\"margin:20px; background-image:url(/images/light.png);\"><div style=\"border:1px solid #888; padding:5px;\"><a href=\"/users/wlicky\">W_Licky</a> said:</div><div style=\"border:1px solid #888; padding:20px;\">Everytime I make a sketch for an art project, it looks absolutely amazing and if I showed it to anyone, they would say it looks stunning.<br /><br />Then I put colored pencil on it and then it looks like a fourth grader's drawing.</div></div><br />What is your usual approach to colouring with coloured pencils? Do you do flat colouring? Shading? Variance in hue?<br /><br />I think the main thing to remember with coloured pencils is that your white coloured pencil is actually a really good tool for blending.", "user": "jestkukolka" }, { "id": "1186036", "time": "1642592736", "html": "the forum has been a lot more active lately which i absolutely love.", "user": "titanlord237" }, { "id": "1186124", "time": "1642609400", "html": "<div style=\"margin:20px; background-image:url(/images/light.png);\"><div style=\"border:1px solid #888; padding:5px;\"><a href=\"/users/kukolka\">kukolka</a> said:</div><div style=\"border:1px solid #888; padding:20px;\"><div style=\"margin:20px; background-image:url(/images/light.png);\"><div style=\"border:1px solid #888; padding:5px;\"><a href=\"/users/wlicky\">W_Licky</a> said:</div><div style=\"border:1px solid #888; padding:20px;\">Everytime I make a sketch for an art project, it looks absolutely amazing and if I showed it to anyone, they would say it looks stunning.<br /><br />Then I put colored pencil on it and then it looks like a fourth grader's drawing.</div></div><br />What is your usual approach to colouring with coloured pencils? Do you do flat colouring? Shading? Variance in hue?<br /><br />I think the main thing to remember with coloured pencils is that your white coloured pencil is actually a really good tool for blending.</div></div><br />I think I burnish too hard too often. I don't use color pencil very often so I don't really know. I prefer my sketching pencils.", "user": "wlicky" }, { "id": "1187793", "time": "1642841146", "html": "so so sorry im always in this thread but i often have lots to say.<br />disclaimer: i am often incoherent<br /><br />I am disgusted by myself. I don\u2019t say that because I did something bad, I just mean in general. It's not really about anything in particular, either, I'm just disgusted <span style=\"font-style:italic;\">by</span> myself. Disgusted by the <span style=\"font-style:italic;\">thought</span> of myself. How I think, how I see, how I talk, how I look. Just being me <span style=\"font-style:italic;\">feels</span> wrong. It feels like I would rather be somebody else or nobody at all. It's hard to explain. Maybe it's just gender dysphoria or something talking, but it's still nauseating. It's <span style=\"font-style:italic;\">really</span> hard to put into words how strongly I feel this, just absolute disgust. When I say I <span style=\"font-style:italic;\">hate</span> how I feel as myself, I don't mean it lightly. Part of me wants to scream and yell and shriek because of it and the other part just wants to crumble and die. I hate how I walk, how I blink, I hate that I have to eat and drink and breathe just to live. Like, how am I expected to keep up grades and hygiene and relationships when I literally just want to curl up and die?<br />If I expressed these thoughts to someone like, say, my father, he would literally just say \u201cyou gotta do what you gotta do\u201d. Like, that's not helpful??? I've literally told him MYSELF that I've been super depressed for YEARS and he said \u201cSo? So am I. That's never stopped me\u201d like?? Congrats that you're better than me I guess??? I mean, at least he did TRY and show some sympathy (because I cried, embarrassingly), and by that I mean he thought the problem was that I never did anything, and he made me go with him to the store and treated me like I would break down at one wrong word (but this only lasted a few days). I don\u2019t want people to make a big deal about it, but I at least want someone to care a little. It\u2019s also not like I have any other trusted adult I can tell about this (and if I did I'm sure they would just say that it's stupid, or that everyone feels down from time to time, adults, amiright?). I\u2019m not allowed to talk to my mother (and when I was, she would just start talking about herself), anyone at school is out of the question, and I don\u2019t really have any irl friends. Man, this really turned into how much I'm repulsed by myself to how I have no one to talk to except internet strangers. This is depressing. I\u2019m ending my rant.", "user": "stripes" }, { "id": "1187796", "time": "1642861038", "html": "your dad is wrong. how should he know your feelings better than yourself?<br /><br />now this might not be very helpful but whatever lemme just share it just in case it is.<br /><br />my mom (and my dad when he was really mad at me because he knew how much it hurt me) would always compare me to some useless ass bum in our family (my uncle on my dad's side) whenever i did anything even slightly out of line. this consistently destroyed my self worth. he was just a complete failure of a human being and i hated myself for existing just because of thinking that id turn out like him. it took me a while but i had to convince myself that i was worthy of existing. the point being, i started to feel more worthy of existing when i was able to convince myself i could bring more good to the world than take it away. i probably could never understand you the way you understand yourself but regardless, i want you to also see the value in yourself.<br /><br />your dad might not realize how bad you have it, but if he's not giving you the validation you deserve that's wholly on him.<br /><br />edit:<br />im really sorry you have to go through such thoughts about yourself. i went through something similar and i know how painful it feels. but above all, i like who you are and wouldnt want you to die or leave or even be someone else. i cant really offer you some other life changing advice but i can at least listen to you rant about whatever or talk about whatever and try to support you. i hope you feel better, stripes.", "user": "titanlord237" }, { "id": "1187849", "time": "1642875679", "html": "im sorry stripes and for what its worth im happy you exist and i dont think youre disgusting at all, i dont really have any advice but i know how you feel and i hope you feel better soon", "user": "bug" }, { "id": "1187957", "time": "1642918711", "html": "thanks friends", "user": "stripes" }, { "id": "1187981", "time": "1642962297", "html": "of course stripes, and you can dm me anytime you need to", "user": "bug" }, { "id": "1189087", "time": "1643244689", "html": "im so angry. i hate my mother, i never thought i would say or think that but i do i just cant take it anymore. i want to just leave or something ugh", "user": "bug" }, { "id": "1189088", "time": "1643247387", "html": "i feel you, bug<br /><br />you wanna talk about it?", "user": "titanlord237" }, { "id": "1189090", "time": "1643247466", "html": "yeah i kind of regret saying that but not really i was just angry still am", "user": "bug" }, { "id": "1189107", "time": "1643249627", "html": "that's totally understandable<br /><br />hope you feel better soon<br /><br />parents can be that way sometimes. i don't know what went on but you don't have to listen to her. your mom won't be able to do whatever to you forever", "user": "titanlord237" }, { "id": "1189113", "time": "1643250190", "html": "thank you i hope that is true", "user": "bug" }, { "id": "1189114", "time": "1643250261", "html": "i mean, you can like, legally move out once you're an adult.", "user": "titanlord237" }, { "id": "1189117", "time": "1643250492", "html": "i know but they wouldnt let me", "user": "bug" } ], "users": { "titanlord237": { "name": "Titanlord237", "key": "titanlord237", "url": "/users/titanlord237", "avatar": "/uploads/drawn/25014.png", "rankClass": "civilian", "rankText": "", "posts": "9134" }, "ackyyackyattack": { "name": "ackyyackyattack", "key": "ackyyackyattack", "url": "/users/ackyyackyattack", "avatar": "/uploads/drawn/41508.png", "rankClass": "civilian", "rankText": "", "posts": "12808" }, "muckabluckisnotaduck": { "name": "MuckaBluckisnotaDuck", "key": "muckabluckisnotaduck", "url": "/users/muckabluckisnotaduck", "avatar": "/uploads/drawn/33142.png", "rankClass": "civilian", "rankText": "", "posts": "1251" }, "wlicky": { "name": "W_Licky", "key": "wlicky", "url": "/users/wlicky", "avatar": "/uploads/drawn/41631.png", "rankClass": "civilian", "rankText": "", "posts": "10521" }, "jestkukolka": { "name": "jest | kukolka", "key": "jestkukolka", "url": "/users/jestkukolka", "avatar": "/uploads/drawn/26946.png", "rankClass": "civilian", "rankText": "", "posts": "2189" }, "stripes": { "name": "stripes", "key": "stripes", "url": "/users/stripes", "avatar": "/uploads/drawn/41687.png", "rankClass": "civilian", "rankText": "", "posts": "3216" }, "bug": { "name": "bug", "key": "bug", "url": "/users/bug", "avatar": "/uploads/drawn/39166.png", "rankClass": "civilian", "rankText": "", "posts": "6672" } }, "page_num": 2, "locked": 0, "total_pages": 14 }

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