ForumTouchy Subjects ► Pedopedo
So this person I am very close with (who is nineteen) told me he is dating a twelve year old boy. I made them break up but I'm still unsure if I (a fifteen year old who he has expressed feelings for) should continue to talk to him.
Am I overreacting? Should I still be friends with him?
  
Yikes, no. Get far, far away.
  
That’s... four years apart.
i contribute nothing else.
  
Wyyca21 said:
That’s... four years apart.
i contribute nothing else.

Six haha
  
19-15=4
19-12=7
  
Oop- im dummy
I thoufht you meant his relationship with the twelve year old
  
I think you should tell that friend that if they really have romantic feelings for you, then they should wait until you're 18. The feelings may actually be for the two of you as people, and the ages were just coincidental.
  
Im not romantically interested in him, i platonically care and love him but at the same time a college student dating a sixth grader is really wrong in a sense and I'm not sure if I should be friends with a person who does that even if they know it's wrong
  
If he regrets his actions and tried to repress his feelings, and understands that he really shouldn't do that again, then it should be mostly fine, right?
I personally would keep quiet unless necessary to correct romanticism.
  
Your friend really needs professional help and if he’s actually your friend, don’t cut him out of your life for making a stupid mistake. He probably feels enough like an abomination as it is.
  
red said:
Im not romantically interested in him, i platonically care and love him but at the same time a college student dating a sixth grader is really wrong in a sense and I'm not sure if I should be friends with a person who does that even if they know it's wrong


It's not wrong "in a sense," it's just plain wrong. You need to do the following:

1) make it abundantly clear to your friend that what he did was not okay. A 12 year old cannot possibly consent or understand an adult relationship. That is abuse.

2) encourage your friend to seek help ASAP and to control himself. He needs to understand that he needs to set himself on a path where he will not be endangering children.

3) monitor this person for any future pedophilic behaviors. If they continue to seek contact with children or "date" (read: abuse) them, then you need to report them to police immediately to protect those children. Gather as much evidence as possible. Your school guidance counselor may be able to help if you're not comfortable involving your parents.

4) protect YOURSELF too. There's a very real chance he's manipulating you as well. If you notice any grooming behaviors towards you or towards children, immediately report. As above, school guidance counselors are a good resource.


Having BEEN a college student, there is literally no possible way for a college student to have any kind of real or meaningful relationship with a 12 year old. It is straight up abuse. Just in case he's tried to justify this somehow. I mean, hell, as a 25 year old I wouldn't even be comfortable dating someone still in college.
  
Zia got it right. Some folks in this thread got it wrong. You should cut him out of your life immediately. You should warn others your age not to spend time with this person. Either he is a danger to you and others your age, or he is in a misguided arrested development and you're only hurting him by preventing him from growing up with others his age.

It is questionable for a 19 year old to be spending time with 15 year olds in general. Arguably the most important aspect of a good relationship (romantic or non-romantic) is mutuality. Everybody must give to the relationship support, empathy, companionship in similar amounts, even if the ways are dissimilar.

A power dynamic begins to take place when people aren't able to provide mutuality to each other. That power dynamic is what pedophiles use to take advantage of younger people, to flatter them, trick them or otherwise coerce kids/teenagers into doing what they want.

Let me tell you, I'm in my 30s and my partner is 5 years younger than me. That's a big gap, even as an adult. There is no way a healthy 19 year old is getting meaningful, equal companionship from a 12 or 15 year old. Just like there is no way my partner and I would have been a successful pair when I was 23 and she was 18. It's just not possible.

I think you should tell that friend that if they really have romantic feelings for you, then they should wait until you're 18. The feelings may actually be for the two of you as people, and the ages were just coincidental.

People are completely different between 19 and 23. People are very different between 15 and 19. It doesn't make sense to "wait" for four years for somebody you haven't met yet. He should be spending time with people his own age, not waiting for children to become the age he is now.

Your friend really needs professional help and if he’s actually your friend, don’t cut him out of your life for making a stupid mistake. He probably feels enough like an abomination as it is.

If he is your friend, the best thing you can do for him is force him to adapt to being an adult and stop spending time with kids. Maintaining "friendships" with MUCH younger people is putting him at risk, it's putting those "friends" at risk, and it's putting future kids at risk.
  
Maybe recommend some older adult siblings?
Or just be less active for him.
Until you just don't contact him.
  
Wyyca21 said:
That’s... four years apart.
i contribute nothing else.
There's nothing wrong with a four year age-gap, or indeed a six or seven year age-gap, per se. That's not the point here. If it was a 47 year-old dating a 40 year-old, it wouldn't be a conversation. The point here is that it's a 12 year-old.
  
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